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Journey over destination.

This is the first time that I am going to tell you guys about my experience. I am not a cyclist. But from ages I wanted a cycle and wanted to ride it. Just for fun, just for my happiness. So lockdown thankfully made it happen. And I bought a cycle!!!! I kind of get a very “free” kind of a feeling when I do cycling. It actually releases stress. It actually lets me feel the air and makes me closer to the environment. But that’s for sure that one should leave early morning to cycle when there is less traffic or later at night. And needless to say that Saturday Sunday’s are the best days to go on a ride.

Alarm rang at 5 a.m. He snoozed it. Again rang at 5.15. Snoozed it again. But no. We have to get up. We can’t let this early cool weather, when we are all rolled up in our cosy blankets smash our diligence to go for cycling. So we got up and all geared up. Generally we keep a target. We mark a route and come back. But today we decided we will not think about till where we will go and we will just keep going till our body allows us. // It was a windy day. A cool breeze was brushing our face. Weather was great. And clouds were part of us too. Around 5.45 a.m we left from home. Since it was good windy and while we were cycling, it was bit difficult for us as the wind was against our direction. Still we didn’t stop and kept moving on. Apart from anything it was really great.

While we were cycling.. on our route we saw “Bio Diversity Park” and thought “Why not let’s go here??” This park is huge and is spread in a very large area. It is somewhere near “Arjangarh Metro Station“- Delhi. I had never been or even had any idea about it. So we thought we should definitely go here. We entered and “IT’S A JUNGLE” is the first thing that came out of my mouth. There were many cyclist there plus also people had come for walks and jogs and with their pets. Some were sitting in some nook and doing their meditation. You enter this place, but you should keep an idea about your path as you may loose a track of where you are. Yes you heard it right. Because it is this big of a place.

Narrow path

As you see, it has such narrow paths. We really had to get our cycle in our control as there were steep slopes where our cycle at times had touched a speed of 30KPH. Which is actually crazy. Specially when people are also walking there. The paths are not more than 2′-6″ wide. Some areas it was even less than this. It was such as experience though. While we were cycling on thin paths, the bushes would just hit our face. Some have even left a mark.

We were trying to locate ourselves here on google maps.
The Aravalli’s Range
Some had come to feed them too.
Never forgetting this beauty admits the park

Biodiversity Park is a must go to place to experience the nature within this crowded and hectic city. For once you forget where actually you are. This place gets a thumbs up from me. We (me and aman-my cousin) had an extremely fulfilled ride.

Our water break while going back home. 🙂

Sometimes not only the journey, the unseen and unknown destination is also beautiful!!!

With Love

1st September 2020| Tuesday| 10.25 p.m

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Behind the mask!!

Hi guys! been a long time. Hoping and wishing for everyone’s good health. Now good health is something that you earn. Which directly leads to working hard and taking care of your body and most importantly your diet. Good health is something which is apparently not god gifted 😛 . So ya, get your ass up that couch and work it out.

Okay.. so.. Behind the mask—– Never had I ever thought that living style of every individual can change globally in a day. Well thanks to some BATS. Did you ever thought that you will witness this kind of drastic change!! People in mask all around. Well if you see people in masks in India, it means its serious. Else Indians would have never followed such rules. You see ” MAH LIFE!! MAH RULEZ!! MAH MASK!! ” 😀 But no. On a serious note I feel proud that majority of the Indians are following it. Which instead is a BIG DEAL. And I see that slowly we all have adjusted to the fact that when we are out of our houses we got to wear masks. Now somehow even I have stared feeling comfortable with them. HOW? See everything has pros and cons. One of which is….

Your expressions can never be judged when you are wearing a mask. Specially for a person like me who is so expressive in her every emotion act. Happy- See it on my face. Sad- See is on my face. Angry- See it on my face. Irritated- See it clearly on my face. So when I sit in a meeting in my office with the client, I make sure I wear it 😀 😀 … Also the best part is when I am driving. You Abuse to someone ” Teri maa ki…..” and here you go. No one can now do lip readings…!!! 😀 Cool isn’t it. Well I find it. But obviously there are cons also. One of which I feel is….

The smile….!!! You meet a person for the first time, and the first thing you fall for is on the smile. Yeah?? Well I have always fallen for the curves that spreads wide on the face. ;P . You see that’s the first impressions. And that my dear friend is missing.!!

monalisa painting- Famous for its smile

Specially for the guys out there. How will you manage to fall for some girl without seeing her smile.!! Because smiles are real. You know it when she likes you if she gives you “that” smile. !!

So ya. There’s a lot cooking up behind the masks.

With Love. Good Night!!

12th August 2020|Wednesday|11.10 p.m

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Grow Through What You Go Through.

Analysing my life and my past since so many days. Went through all my past instances and experiences. My ups and downs. People around me then vs people around me today. Trust me only 5% are there today or say only 5% could make through or who chose to stay. Rest all went as per their convenience. All my relationships with my boyfriends, when I study them, I see one common thing in all of them. All of them were practical and knew what to do when. What step to take when. Or I should summarise it and say they knew what they wanted to do in life. And for that if they had to move past me, they did. All of them did. All the time the love was single sided. None of them stayed. Now here, there’s no blame game going on. I am going to see all of this in a positive manner. At all my different important stages/ages of life, these guys came. Studying them all, I feel they all had a purpose to come. They were all playing a role. They were all brought into my life at different intervals because of what I am today, or what situation I am in today. Because like a wind they went. No good byes. Not even calling and saying, okay we wont be in touch from now on. They just randomly chose to leave my life one day. All of them. (And how stupid I was, every time I thought this is a serious relation). None of them, I am telling you, None of them care to say good bye. Here’s when I feel the depth of his words (Late Irrfan Khan – Incredible Indian Actor) from his very famous movie- “Life of a pie”

“I suppose in the end, the whole of life becomes an act of letting go, but what always hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye.”

Anyway, coming back to what I was saying, I feel that all of them had a role to play. That is why they left silently. The kind of issues I have today and the situation I am in make me realise that it was all destined. It was none of you all’s fault. You all came for a reason.

Some one told me once, some theory or something, that if you start a new business and manage to be in it for minimum of 5 yrs, keeping all the patience and faith, going through the process in its highs and lows. Then for sure you’ll succeed in that business. Relationships are also same. If you can’t be in the lows that relationship is never gonna succeed.

I had considerable amount of people/friends/relationships in my life. A happy person. Looking back at all my terms with them. I always tried to love with all my heart. Always tried and gave space. Let them do what they wish to. In fact most of the times I made their dreams as mine. Just keeping in mind that nothing is as important as this relationship. May be I was wrong. Making their dream as mine was wrong. And how do I evaluate that? Because they never considered my wishes.

Today this blog is for my cleansing. To delete all the luggage that I am carrying from so long. To delete all of these 95% people from my system. To just Move On. And at any point of time I get weak, I am going to read myself back!!!

With Love!! Good night!

10th June 2020 – Wednesday (1.45 a.m)

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Blood has counts?

Its been long (because of the lock-down) that we (me and my friend) went for a walk. So, today we came out of our houses for a while to hear the silence the world is in today. And in this emptiness I saw peacocks on the roads and hear the sound of birds chirping. My heart is in a lot of pain today. It stays like this usually. But that much I resist somehow. Some days it goes beyond that. And then is a time i wish to talk to this friend of mine. Why does people in relationships generally end up choosing the easy way. May be because the difficult part is longer to survive and that’s why they take a step back? Is it? And she said…

It would sound harsh to you but the fact is that love relationships are hard to maintain these days. And some of them become toxic by years passing. Do you know why? Because a person always know subconsciously that there is a possibility or an option, that they can any day step aside by saying just four words “its not working out”. After a substantial amount of time given in a relationship, they don’t give leverage of you making a mistake. Your sorry’s doesn’t weigh them anymore. A lover or partner making a mistake verses a child making a mistake, there is a difference. Here is when, Blood comes in picture and we realise that Blood does has counts. You can any day decide to leave your lover or partner and move on. But can you leave your child? The first thing that kills a relation is expectations. Can all your expectations be ever fulfilled? Try and take out time to see the positives. Negatives are easy to find.

Blood makes you family. But Loyalty makes you human. When someone loves you deeply, appreciate it. Because real love is rare. You may find more interesting people ahead in your life but when you sit alone one day, may be you’ll miss that warmth which only those eyes and hug could give you. Remember in life, success is very important. But with whom you are celebrating that success equally matters. Life is a long journey, with ups and downs part of it. But whom do you want to take that last breath with matters a lot. Love is the real jewel. Keep wearing it and I promise you’ll shine.

a lioness

“Raatan nu uth uth ke tare ginde aan, Bin matlab beh ke tere laare ginde aan. Pyar kise da naal eh houn na deve. Ishq tera ishq mennu soun na deve.”

Love you always…

2020-05-01 / Friday / 4.10 a.m

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Past, Present or Future?

There are always two sides of a coin. So two point of views. Nothing is wrong or right in this world. The majority number of people who agrees to a point, that becomes right. The other automatically wrong. No matter how much weightage the other one carries.

yesterday, today, tomorrow

At 4.25 a.m, keeping awake. My power of judgement, as if, I have lost it I feel. Is this why I am unable to sleep? I really have no clue, what gives me sleepless nights. But the only thing I can think of right now is, what does a person live for? Do you live for your past? which has gone? Your present? or for the unseen future? “You must be coming up with some answers in your heads, like – what can someone do with past which has gone. Also who would like to be in some of those old painful memories. Obviously, right? But can make our future bright. That’s in our hand. Isn’t it? “————- What if I have a short life. What future am I working on then? What money am I saving for? This Pandemic. Did it give any sign before coming. Were we all ready for this? Besides working so hard everyday to make our future worthwhile, could we do anything? No. I think no. We all are at same level today. All sitting inside our homes. And now when I ask my self, that besides having good amount of money in my bank, am I able to use it in anyway? Lets see..

  • Luxury – Can’t spend on it.
  • Outside food – Can’t order.
  • Travel- Will not be same ever.
  • Shopping – Can’t do.
  • Outings & Parties – Can’t go.

NO. The answer is NO. Then what are we living for?

“Present”, we are all living for our present. This is what I could derive from above. A person should and must concentrate on his happiness today. Then only his future automatically becomes happy. But while listing down above things I realised, that these are all materialistic things. Does happiness only lies in this? Are you happy internally? If today you are not able to do all these things or may be in the future also you won’t be able to do these things freely, how are / will you guys, manage to be happy or even live?

I just want to say, by not stretching any further that life is NOT just about materialistic things. It is much more than that. It is love that is missing there. The attachments that people can happily live for, for a longer and happy period of time. One must value a human more than these things. In the world full of algorithms, hashtags and followers. Know the true importance of human connection. You can earn money, you can buy stuffs. But however rich you become, you can’t buy love. Love is peace. Love is politeness. If you don’t have love you can never find peace.

We think too much, we feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. charlie chaplin

Going back to my first sentence. There are two sides of a coin. There might be more views which differ mine. But still I strongly believe that there is nothing as important as love, humanity and kindness!!!

Love you. Till the end of my life.

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All this while- living in a lie

One day, I open my eyes and I am made realised that all this while, I was living in a lie. Even God himself sat by my side, tried to show me and all I told him that you are a lie. Walking and moving and living around thinking that everything is fine and one day it will be fine, but I was living in a lie. My intuition, my gut feeling, my inner voice kept knocking me. I kicked them away saying please go and die. But the truth is that I myself was living in a lie.

I am a day dreamer as my profile say but I feel, that this time I was in a bubble of illusion which is now pricked. I have to admit, I always hoped that no matter how much time had passed or how much far apart we drifted ——– it would be me and you in the end. But as I said my balloon was pricked and in a second of a time a sudden reality hit.

People get tired of me and leave. But they don’t know that I’m tired too, but I choose to stay. My words can’t fill in the space that has been created in my heart. If only my lord can hear, he will come and heal it fast. People kept saying love yourself first. I didn’t know it was a sign to back off.

P.S. – I will keep you as my favourite incomplete wish.

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Togetherness: The foundation of love

My friend and I were having a discussion one day. Tired from our work, we thought we’ll go on a walk (One of the things we love to do). From couple of days my mind was not at ease. Which she could sense and therefore she asked me to spill the beans. I shrugged, thinking how did she read me. But who will if she doesn’t. After all she’s someone whose really close to my heart and soul. With whom I feel I am talking to myself only and no one else. And I said. How exactly does someone gets to know that he and the other person is in love or are attached to each other? How do you assure that? Because I am not able to judge. And she said….

You are no one to judge love. As love is something which is beyond that. The day you start judging love, you’ll loose hold of it. Love is something that binds you both together. If that bond is missing, then there’s no love. When you want to mould yourself willingly for the other person that is love. When you have the trust that whatever happens he will not leave. That assurance is the most important thing in a relationship which tells you that you are in love. When you “need” a person instead of “want” a person, you are in love. When you don’t have to pretend who you are, you are in love. Love can’t be explained, it can only be felt.

Find someone who doesn’t think you’re complaining when you’re explaining how their actions have hurt you. !!

Love is when you both want to grow old together in the worst of the situations. If you don’t see that, then may be love wasn’t there or it has faded.

In a relationship, there’s always one person who loves more. And I am Glad it was me !!

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Humanity

So I was talking to this one very close friend of mine. who’s really close to my heart and soul. With whom I feel I am talking to my self only and no one else. So I asked her one day, what exactly do you feel about people’s nature these days? Are they more consolidated? or just bizarre? And she said….

It is surprising, how people these days are turning into a Stone. Emotionless. Heartless. Unsympathetic. Unmoved.

In this period of time, where the world is troubled, Where the globe is at risk, some of us are so self centred. When people don’t care, to even be sure if the person, they were attached to once in a life time are doing fine. Do we call that an ego? or shall this be considered as, that there wasn’t any attachment. Does that person mean nothing to you now? Even if the world ends, you wouldn’t want to know if they are okay or no? Because this is hard to accept. What takes it to just ask for their well being and their families well being? How difficult that can be? How much time can it take from your life?

Think over. Close your eyes. You will definitely see the person you want to know if they are doing fine or no. Call them, message them. You will feel great. Your heart will feel so much better. Not only your heart, but the heart which is beating somewhere on the other side of the globe.

Go Ahead! This is the time!

Short note

Hi people.. So today I don’t have much to say but I want to tell you that what makes me come here and write. I am no blogger or anything. Neither I have that language or content which generally a blogger has. I don’t even have followers here. So for whom am I doing these blogs for….// I spoke to a psychiatrist/friend once and the person suggested me to pen down whatever you feel. This may help you come over your emotions. So basically when I start writing anything here it is majorly “a talk to self” So this is for everyone out there. Whenever you feel low and you don’t find anyone to talk, try this out. Just scribble everything, and let it out. You’ll feel a little better.

Wondering, when do you take such a big step, of stepping out of the house for someone.? when you decide to leave your family and move with the person you love. A family that you are born in. A family you have been living with for ages. How does it happen that some people take a step to move with someone you love. When I sit and think about it, I can only come up with one thought…

Someone can only leave their family, when they see a family in that someone.

With love.

27th August 2020|Thursday|2.25 P.M

Does it carry any weight?

I was walking on the road with a friend of mine after we had our lunches. Roads were fully covered with dried leaves as if a carpet has been laid for us. The trees were blooming with variety of colourful flowers spreading their freshness around. It was a pleasant day and we could smell the scent of wet mud after a few drops of rain. Both keeping quiet and soaking in the moment when I asked her. You fight for someone with all your heart and soul and you don’t get it still. Is it worth to…. Interrupting me she said..

“Nothing that’s worthwhile is ever easy. Remember that”

I miss you everyday. But today it feels like everything I do is just here to remind me I am living without you. It wasn’t exactly love at first sight, but it was deeper than that. A sense of belonging to a place I never knew I wanted but somehow always needed. It was home that carried a heartbeat.

Was it that easy for you to take a turn and move away? Because I have been left behind just on the way. Go if you want to go, please go away but promise me you won’t come in my dreams from far away. It is same when I used to go out. It is same when I sit inside a closed room day and night. I was vacant then I am vacant now. Even work doesn’t take the pain away. I find no reason to live. I am so done fighting with the world alone. For whom did I fight the world and for what am I fighting today.

I wonder what made you think that it won’t work out. Well may be it won’t. A lot of things don’t. But that does’t mean we shouldn’t give ourselves the opportunity to try. Because if it does work out, our whole world can change. And that’s worth any risk.

People generally say, time is a good healer. Give it time, and it shall pass. It doesn’t really happen is what I feel. I agree the intensity with which it happened might get low but the remains are always there. Nothing can get me over you not even the lord himself. I was standing there and I keep standing here. I am still silently hoping that time has made a mistake and has already reserved a moment for us to find each other again.

And as you stopped saying goodnight I stopped sleeping all night !!!

Belief..

I went for a walk to a park near my place with a friend of mine. Who’s really close to my heart and soul. With whom I feel I am talking to myself only and no one else. The nature was at its best that time. Adoring the topography and the views around us, we sat in silence for long. After a long pause of quietness, I asked her. Had you ever thought of a time like this? Where not only a city, a country, but the whole sphere is at sake? And she said…

I have always believed in mythology. I used to read and browse about it on internet. Hear about it from my elders and used to discuss about the same with them in details. Somewhere these stories always made me excited and curious to know more about them. Always felt like experiencing them. What kind of life would it had been in the past or what kind would it be later, after we die. After reading and hearing I learnt that we are at present living in “Kali Yuga”. One day will come when this “Yuga” , an era will come to an end. Such phase will come. This feeling gives me goosebumps.

Somewhere down my heart or you can say in my subconscious mind, I used to wonder what will happen if someday such calamity comes, that everyone on the planet is still. No ones moving. Everything has come to a halt. Altogether a fresh life starts. I always wanted to witness that turn over. Scary? Why would anyone even imagine like this? Are you insane? A lot of my close people used to say exactly the same when I used to tell them my thoughts.

YES, it does sound scary to me today!! And do you know why?

Because this was something, I used to feel, is only my fantasy. Only in my thoughts. Nothing like this can ever happen. But today when I see around, this has actually happened. The world has somehow come to a pause. After seeing all this I only feel that how my thought had a life in it. May be not at that particular time when I wished, but this did happen.

All this has just forced me to believe in my dreams. My wishes. May be my prayers were not answered earlier, but I strongly believe that the universe will work around it. Its just that your dreams should have a life. You should believe in them. Keep in mind, that something that you really want in your life, will only happen if you keep faith in it. It might take long but you’ll see how the universe works around it and also manifests it.

Think I am crazy? Well call me one. Because I will wait until the end of my life!!